Tuesday, December 6, 2011

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Sunday, November 6, 2011

Monday, October 10, 2011

Me and My Girl

My sweet little girl took great care of me with my recent bout of appendicitis. She helped me do anything I needed her to do without complaint. She was very mothering to me and concerned for my well being. She was so precious. We are not always perfectly fitted, though, and occassionally, my sweet girl is not so sweet. She is very much strong willed and challenging, hyper and exhaustingly busy. I struggle with raising her and not getting frustrated with her antics. But in that same breath, I can say, she can memorize scripture like a pro, tells people about the Lord and ministers to those around her who are sad or scared. She has a heart for obedience to the Lord and that is so important to me and Jerry. As I continue on this journey of raising this precious gift, I constantly have to keep myself in check to make sure that what I do or say to this little girl is Biblical. Some of my challenges with her are her high need for drama, her need to touch, lick, smack everything she comes into contact with, and her huge messes of toys, art supplies and "junk". Recently, I had to tell her, "don't lick your cheese, just eat it" and "quit bucking on the couch like a donkey". Hmmm. I have to wonder if that is normal.;0) As I continue daily to raise her, I feel like I fail more than I succeed in the things I say to her and do for her as a mom. I feel like I get frustrated quickly or ignore her more than her siblings. I don't want that for her. I want her to feel just as much love as the boys do. I don't want her to be the child that is always in trouble or the child that doesn't get privileges because she makes poor choices. Unfortunately, she is the child that doesn't respond to discipline well and will continue the same mistakes over and over. I'm not sure how to handle that or how to instill in her the desire to obey--I ask her why she makes poor choices and she tells me she doesn't know. Not to make excuses for her, but I honestly don't think she has any idea why she disobeys. I think she just does whatever she wants to do no matter the consequesnces because she can't help herself. Is that even possible? Or, is it that I haven't found the right discipline technique for her? I wish she came with a manual--one that tells me what to do in order to get the desired result. Of course, the most important result I want for her is for her to be a strong, dedicated Christian woman who loves the Lord and lives to serve Him. Then, does all of this really matter? Who cares if she licks her cheese or bucks on the couch, right? Or, wrong? Does obedience to your parents instill obedience to the Lord? How does my raising her in the little things matter in the big things? Where do you draw the line?
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Sunday, October 2, 2011

Appendicitis--the whole story (for those who wanna know)

Well, I have been asked over and over to tell the story so I thought I'd write it all out for you. As most of you know, I was diagnosed with a ruptured appendix on Sunday, September 4, 2011, after about four days of stomach pain. It started on the Thursday before with a dull pain in my upper stomach area; on Friday, the pain continued and I thought I had a stomach ulcer. (Self diagnosis per google, ha!) Anyway, we were scheduled to go to San Antonio to the cabin, so we packed up and went. I hurt all day Friday but began eating bland food and staying away from diet Coke (thinking these things would stop the pain) (because I had an ulcer, remember?). Friday night, I hardly slept, I was hurting but not extreme. I was very uncomfortable. When Saturday morning came, I looked up how to stop stomach ulcer pain, went to HEB and purchased apple cider vinegar and baking soda. It didn't help and it was nasty to boot. I drank this concotion when we got home (one cup water, three tablespoons acv and half teaspoon soda). Finally, about 7:00 Saturday night, I took two Tylenol. It seemed to help. I went to bed, but woke up at 1:00a.m. and 6:00a.m. with a little fever. Took Tylenol both times and went back to bed. The next morning, I mentioned to Jerry that I had a light fever and he declared we were going home and to the ER. Personally, I wanted to go to a minor emergency center there in SA and get the magic pill for the daggum stomach ulcer I thought I had. HA!! Jerry won. On the way home, I called my sister in law to see what gallbladder pains felt like and what she described didn't ring a bell. Her recommendation was that I go to the ER as soon as we got home because it was Labor Day weekend, I had been in pain four days and all labs were closed. As soon as we got to Corpus, we unloaded and went to the ER. There, the doctor was nonchalant asking me why I came in that day versus two/three days before and I told her I wasn't concerned until I ran fever. A CT was ordered and sure enough my appendix was a blob on the CT rather than what it should have been. I was shocked! Mind you, I never threw up, had high fever or intense abdominal pain. We called our family and let them know--everyone was out of town for Labor Day weekend except Jerry's mom who graciously kept my kiddos. I was taken into surgery where the doctor found a ruptured appendix and an abscess. I was kept in the hospital for three more days with a drain in my tummy to help get the "yuck" out that had developed from the rupture. I was given Avalox and Flagyl by i.v. and when I was released from the hospital, I got oral of those two for seven days. Ten days after I was released, I was diagnosed with a small abscess per a CT. I was again given Avalox orally for five days and was scheduled for a procedure to drain the abscess. The procedure, though, was never done because the abscess began to shrink and was too small for the radiologists to drain. That's where we stand now. I go back to the surgeon this week to see if this whole ordeal is over. I still have lower abdominal pain, but I think I have gas bubbles or something. I don't know. I just think gas is the root of all stomach pain.:0) (Or, a stomach ulcer--hahaha) This has been a journey but one I've learned from--I need to slow down, I need to spend more time at home with my kids instead of going, going, going all the time with them, I need to eat better, I need to trust God and know that I'm never alone even when I feel alone. Those are some of my lessons. The first night in the hospital, I woke up at 3:00a.m. Jerry was sound asleep and I felt very much alone--couldn't call anyone at 3:00a.m. and cry to them. I was feeling real sorry for my lonely, hurting self when God laid this scripture on my heart--"Fear not for I am with you. I will never leave you nor forsake you." I don't know where that is the Bible and it doesn't/didn't matter. I have hidden that scripture in my heart now and am so thankful for such a wonderful lesson. God never left me nor forsook/forsaked me and will never.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Summer is so fun!

I really like summer--the heat, the sunscreen, the swimming and playing--ahhh! I seem to feel better in the summer too; I'm not sure if it's the vitamin D or what, but my soul feels brighter. This summer was no different. We swam, vacationed at the cabin, went to Fiesta Texas and filled in our days with family time outdoors and throwing scheduling to the wind. But, alas, all the fun of summer has to come to an end and here we are at the beginning of school (a little behind because of the whole appendix thing, but that's another blog entirely). I truly love homeschooling my kids and I have no regrets that is the course God chose for us and that I follow. Self assurance settles in through the year and I know I am capable of everything God calls me to do. I'm strict with our schedule and all fun has some form of "education" to it as the school year gears up. But, as school starts again I am sensitized to the responsibility I have in home educating my children--everything they learn is a direct result of my teaching. Ouch. The insecurities roll in and I wonder if I can do another school year correctly--I'm real good at summer fun, but I have my doubts about being real good at encouraging my children to love learning. I'll be teaching high school this year for the first time--just the thought of it makes me nauseated. I'll have to keep grades and a transcript which is new to me. I've always been aware of grades but now I'll have to find a more formal way of keeping them. See, I have goals every year. I know what I have to do and I know how to do it, so what's the rub? I think it's coming off the fun and irresponsibility of summer sliding into the reality of oh-know-I'm-the-teacher-we better get busy school year.
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Saturday, June 11, 2011

Overwhelmed...


Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the grace and blessings God gives me. Look at these three kids. I don't deserve them. God chose me to be their mom and despite how hard I try, I goof up. I fail at giving them the best, the truest form of myself. Our heavenly father perfectly gives us blessings. He gives us so much more than we could ever imagine--I try desperately to mimic that. I want the best for my children, but my selfishness gets in the way. I yell when I don't want to. I get impatient. I roll my eyes. All the things that God does not do, I do. I'm so thankful, though, that my sweet children are a forgiving bunch! They continue to love and try to obey despite my short comings. They are such a good example to me because when I'm angry with God, I really don't wanna love and try to obey. But, I know God has it all worked together for good and I'm hoping my children know I try to work it all together for good too. It's no wonder God uses our realtionships with our children as examples for His realtionship with us. I get the point.
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Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I'm not sure at what point pride is a sin...

I'm not sure at what point pride becomes sin--I am so proud of this kid. I'm not proud because of anything I've done. I'm proud of him because of what he has accomplished through the gifts God has given him. Recently, he won first place in a competition for 4H on Entomology (the study of insects). I did very little in teaching him the material; he studied on his own and has found a niche in the bug world. Mostly, though, I'm proud of his walk with the Lord. His heart is so good. Again, it is not anything I've done. God reigns in his life--I'm so thankful for that. So, at what point have I sinned in being proud of this kid? I'm not sure. I know pride comes before the fall according to scripture. I hope I'm not heading down that path. I pray my pride for him is well placed in that I am proud of what God has done in my sweet boy to mold him into this great kid. I'm not sure if that's sinful, but, take heart, I take no pride in my own raising of him or in his own abilities; but I give the Lord all credit for this boy. I am so proud of him, but let it be a testatment to my faith. With God, all things are possible.
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